My nose is running.

So I guess I better catch it.


I am so tired this morning.
Getting to bed at 11 and then waking up 6 hours later is not something I like to do.
I need 8 hours to function properly.

I'm wearing pantyhose.
Because I need to change into a dress for this evening and I need to do it quickly.
It gets rid of my fat rolls quite nicely.

It is godawful uncomfortable... and I dread having to pee.

I need to put my face on.
Well, first I need to wipe my nose... then I'll do the face thing.

My life is so dull right now.
God.

Tsunami.

I'm sleepy.
I'm an addict.

So now, I'm going to read.
My eyes are already tired though.

Oh, I'm getting glasses.
I'm near-sighted and I have astigmatism.
And I'll look smarter come November 6th or so.

;-)

Embracing. Embracing. Bracing.

I feel completely uncreative lately.
I feel this way because I have nothing to energize me.

I mean, life is ok. I love my job. I have some decent friends and I know I'm not 'alone.'
But I'm very single.

I don't even have options that can distract me from that fact right now.
I. Am. Single.

This has put a huge rubber stopper on my creative test tube and my Bunsen burner is out of gas.
I'm bored. Bad things happen when I get bored. Usually I end up making stupid emotional choices.

Ones that are so obvious after the fact, you know?

Anyway. I should just be ok with my singleness... but I kind of loathe it most days.
IT guy needs to come back and make me giddy for a few days.

I guess I'll look good tomorrow, just for the hell of it.

10.25.08

Christian right steps up attacks on Obama - Barack Obama News- msnbc.com

This is why I am agnostic.

Just for the record, I love Jesus...
I just don't think he'd hate gays, women who have made the difficult decision to abort or Barack Obama. I base this judgment on my gut instinct and the fact that Jesus didn't hate sinners.

Only greedy, holier-than-thou people were on the receiving end of his wrath.
Think about it.

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I wasn't thinking about work or babysitting.

As I drove home last night, I'm pretty sure my heart was beating a mantra.
"I want to go back. I want to go back."
I said, "I know you do."
And I turned up the radio to drown it out.

-----------------------------------------

WebCT's server is down... of course.
I wanted to take an exam this morning.

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I think I'm going to take football pictures tonight.
I'm not sure where though.

Yesterday.

As I paid my speeding ticket, all I could think of was... I need a cigarette.

Mind you, I'm not a smoker.
I've smoked a few in my life only during very stressful times.
(My self-destructive period, if you will.)

For some reason, yesterday, the urge was very strong.
(But, no, I did not stop and buy some.)

I drank a beer yesterday two hours after taking Tylenol.
I was afraid I did irreversible damage to my liver.
But my liver doesn't hurt, so I think I'm ok.

Someone want to throw a conflict at me for my NaNoWriMo?
I was going to base it on my own life until I realized my life is very boring.

I have to shower now and start highlighting Myer-Briggs information.

An idea for some NaNoWriMo characters.

Sophia:

And the lies? It was so easy to lie to him. I told him so many times I loved him, just to ignore him in his times of need, when he was longing for me. He’d never let anyone know his pain. He was a sufferer. Sometime I think he took pride in that.

He was beautiful though, I’ll give him that, and quite a lay. That was the only time where his obsessive drive to please me was not a turn off. Perhaps that’s why I left him hanging on so long. I’ll probably continue to interfere in his life for a while too. There’s something about the carnal way he pleases me – the way he wants to taste every square inch of me – I know that’s what keeps him coming back.

If only he could do it and not be in love with me.
It's so annoying.

10.21.08

character sketchiness

c.e.z.

I don't get to talk to you anymore.

Today was not as awesome as I hoped for. I recieved my first speeding ticket.

Also, currently, I am in a mood. One of those where I'm laying in my bed and I realize just how alone I will be when I get my own place. (But I still want to have my own place.)

I'm cold. I'm lonely. This too shall pass, but it's how I feel.
Some days it just bothers me more than other days.
That's all.

I wish I could just fall asleep, but my mind won't let me.
(Which is especially detrimental on theses lonely feeling nights.)

I have to work tomorrow.
I should call the district justice person guy as well.

I get my nails done tomorrow after work too.
I feel fiscally irresponsible right now.

10.19.08

I read some "I wrote this for you" posts.
They almost always make me think of the same person.
Especially the ones full of longing and the word "miss" because I do that a lot.

No matter how many times I write the words "a lot" I always write "alot" first and that is wrong.

I am up way too early today. I have to take an education exam.
Last night I summarized 3 articles for my Environmental class.
I wanted to do more. Perhaps I will get a chance Tuesday and Wednesday to actually get shit done.
Those are my first two days off from work.

While I will miss the extra cash, I am glad to have a day or two off because I feel like I am eyeball deep in schoolwork debt.

I'm going to give myself an hour to truly wake up and catch up on my newsy stuff before I take this exam. Afterwards, I might go for breakfast with my sister and give J a ring. Perhaps I will introduce myself to paintball today.

If he answers his phone, that is.

This afternoon, I have a date with a three year old and her mommy.
Then I'm going to try to talk my dad into driving to an AT&T store with me to... buy my iPhone (or at least a new phone).

I'm still kind of back and forth about whether I really NEED to be able to access the internet on my phone. It's extra money, after all. And I am poor and hoping that the position at the bank might open up to being full time.

Right now, all I want (after this semester is over) is to work full time, have some benefits and perhaps be able to afford my own place. I would love to have my own space where I can come and go as I please.

Not that I can't here... but if I bring someone home, well... that's awkward some times.

I leave you with this:

Super Oversized Sweatshirt, FTW.

God, I do love the cold weather than autumn brings. :-)

And McCain likes to talk about Obama's so-called dishonesty?

Ben Smith's Blog: Acorn pushes back, hugs McCain - Politico.com


Heh.
Awesome.

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Oh, btw... Life doesn't actually suck right now.

I do apologize for all the negativity in my posts lately. I'm actually not miserable.
I'm actually further from misery than I have been in quite some time.

The good points:

Work:
I complain about it here and there, but I do love my job right now.
It's so much better than my summer job had been.
Thank you GOD! I'm not in a cubicle.

I just hope to never be robbed, ok.

The ladies I work with are fantastic. The office manager dude is awesome. Down to earth, awkward and funny. I love the people I work with. It's fantastic, what more can you ask for... other than a raise?

So, work is good. This is part of the reason I actually feel ok about life.
Can I just mention again that I am so happy I did NOT take the graphic design internship back in May? Sometimes you just have to trust your gut.

Anyway... Tomorrow, we open our office. We're thinking it might be a slow day, since everyone has seen people working on the outside of the building all last week. No one thinks we could possibly ACTUALLY open tomorrow. (But we are because we rock.)

I'm the only single gal in the office too. So all the ladies want to help me out in finding a man, haha.

School:
Well, this is not so much of a bright spot, but I am surviving, thus far.
It is a source of my insanity and oil paint is not my thing. In fact, I suck. I'm not sure that I'll ever not suck.
However, I do like watercolor, so -- yay.

Too bad I'm kind of stuck using oil, for the most stuff.

J:
Yeah, I know. It's weird. He has been fantastic. (I'm over using that word.)
Sometimes it's worth being awesomely patient and getting to know someone.

He's made me laugh so many times in the past month. We've had political arguments (we are on opposite ends of the McCain/Obama spectrum and he think Palin is "hot" *shudder*) and dumb discussions about sex. We've also addressed religion, spirituality, art and current events. We went hiking and had fun.

Basically, we are kind of awesome right now. I'm enjoying it, I think he is too.
I hope his is too.

So, all in all -- Life is good.

Sorry I've been so negative sounding lately. I've honestly been relatively happy. I've been using my posts as a way to vent my stress and I've ignored the happy parts of my life and there have been many. <3

This morning I feel sad.

I mean, at least it's not desperate.
I wish I could dream of something that would leave me waking up happy.

I have to work today.
I have a job at a bank and I have to work on Columbus Day.
Tomorrow, we open. Opening day. I hope I don't suck at life tomorrow.

Tonight I should probably paint. Or maybe I can on Wednesday.
I just don't know how hours are really going to go this week.

This is the most boring post ever.
I'm sorry.

Haha.

It's 9 o'clock on a .... Sunday?

Compassion fatigue - Wikipedia

Um, is it possible for me to have compassion fatigue simply from life.
Because sometimes I fear I just simply do not have the energy to care.

Of course, I always manage to summon up more.
I've never actually not cared.

That would be an interesting and refreshing change of pace, perhaps.


Anyway, I was interested to run across a possible diagnosis for my stress/stomachaches.

I'm tired.
It's only 9 pm.
And I work tomorrow at 8:30.

I want to buy my iPhone soon.
Does anyone know how much extra my data package is going to cost?
I thought I read $30.

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Things.

Because all I can do is this. It's what I've always done, but I'm getting very tired of it.

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Unrelated to above screen shot: This article is upsetting to me. Even though I know that racists are becoming less common, the fact that a formerly well respected politician (because I do not respect him so much right now) would stoop to these levels and allow his campaign to stoop even lower is ridiculous.

Also unrelated: I am seriously a little freaked that I cannot seem to think of a single thing to write for NaNoWriMo. I'm thinking I could loosely base it on my own life... but really, I'm not sure my life is interesting... it's just stupid.

Also unrelated: Kamikazes, the drinks, are delicious.

Because it's all anyone ever asks of me... to be a friend.

I kind of don't believe this one.
Well, not tonight anyway.
"Love is magic, but magic is sometimes an illusion." (I forget who said that off the top of my head.)


(I'm waiting for someone to grow a pair.)

Oh, I don't know how I'm going to make time for this.

Also, I have no idea what I'm going to write about.

However. I'm going to try. I will probably fail, but... Ah well.

October 6, 2008 @ 9:14 PM EST

I think McCain-Palin are turning the campaign into a gossip column rather than a serious discussion of political issues.

Because bullies do that sort of thing when they are scared.
Because bullies are actually intellectually weak.

Politics tire me, can I just vote already?

Apparently the Republican party, more specifically Palin and McCain, are trying to tie Obama to Bill Ayers and to the bombings that Ayers is linked to that occurred... in the 70s.

Did that sentence make sense? Anyway, yeah.
Obama was a child when the bombing happened.

I believe I talked about this before.
Anyway, Barack Obama and Bill Ayers met in the 90s.
They worked together on a non-profit educational organization's board.
This organization dispersed funds to Chicago area schools.

They also served together on a board of an anti-poverty organization.

Oh, and Obama has publicly denounced any bombings that occurred in the 70s by the group Ayers was associated with.



Personally, I feel it's pathetic that McCain-Palin feels it is necessary to criticize Obama's work with legitimate, non-profit organizations.

I thought about you all day.

I probably shouldn't have.

My brain doesn't listen to reason.
This "a softer world" comic -- still how I feel.


Jason Mraz was stalking me today.
His music played everywhere.

I'm so glad that Ghost Hunters exists.

So awesome. I love it.
Because for this hour... I can be sucked in by the existence of ghosts and think of nothing else.

Heaven.

It's been a few days.

I'm sorry.

I've been very busy and life has not been interesting the past few days.
I work, I come home, I do homework, I sleep.
Sometimes I get to see someone's face. Justin's mostly.

I need to see my Megan sometime soon.
I miss her.