I love 60 degree weather with rain.

It's so lovely. My mother and I went for a walk and it started raining and we got drenched.

My favorite thing ever is walking in the rain. I love love love it. The feeling of the drops against my skin. I just adore it. I don't care if that makes me crazy. It makes me happy.

My mother and I discussed men and how none of them that come into my life seem to make any sense.

I told her I need to buy that movie, "Someone Like You" because the part where Ashley Judd's character explains that if her theory on men is not correct, then men do not leave all women, they leave her.

Then she starts crying. And then I start crying too.

Anyway, I told her about that. Loudly. I ranted.

She pointed out that she doesn't understand any of these men who have popped into my life. She pointed out that I am always there for them and we always seem to have undeniable chemistry. Also, I'm always willing to go the distance (sometimes literally) for them.

And I don't regret any of that. It's my nature... but it would be nice to have that sort of thing returned. Someone who will bend backwards and go the distance for me. Someone who will understand and listen to me when I'm ranting and raving and pissed off.

Someone who is unafraid of the ugly side of life but also appreciates the beauty.


NEW TOPIC:
I want to buy felt so I can make a cute bag.
I miss her :-(
I want her to come home so we can be together all Christmas break because I love her.

Next Christmas, I do hereby swear to make 90% of my gifts.

I want to learn to make a quilt.
I will make cookies.
I will create some process to make fun prints and art pieces.

I will start creating things now so I don't run out of time.
Besides, I have all this fantastic free time on my hands now.
Maybe I'll have time to seriously consider creating an Etsy shop!

Ooooooh.

Because it's all anyone ever asks of me... to be a friend.

I kind of don't believe this one.
Well, not tonight anyway.
"Love is magic, but magic is sometimes an illusion." (I forget who said that off the top of my head.)


(I'm waiting for someone to grow a pair.)

Are you there God, It's me... Christina.

Please, stop sending me boys.
I would like a man.
Or at least a dude.
Or the dude.

Something other than a boy.
Something other than a man-child.

Ok, thanks.



In other news... I had a good time tonight out with friends.
It was very nice. Once again, I am happy I didn't listen to everyone else when it came to J.
He's pretty cool now, after all. ;-)


Good night, dear reader (because I think I have all of one, haha).

Something that could be said.

This blog... is fantastic.
It says a lot of the things I wish I could say out loud.

I feel regretful and dumb.

Last night, as I came face to face with my insecurities and jealous nature... I did not act nor feel the way I wanted.

I feel terrible, even though I was caught of guard by the entire thing to begin with. I wish I would have acted better.

Not that I acted terrible... just...
Well, I could have acted better.
Somehow.
I'm not sure how.

Anyway, today I just feel immature... and still insecure and still jealous.
It's quite the crappy feeling. It takes all the bite out of your bark and all the spring out of your step.

With all these heartaches, I should buy something real.

I sigh at the universe.
I shake my fist at it.
Why do you suck so completely hardcore sometimes?

The only good thing to come out of potential heartbreak? A painting.
A fast and furious painting.
A passionate painting.

Where did it come from? Why'd I let this all start?
(I tried not to like you. You know this.)
Because I have no walls. Because I am a nice girl. I am amazing.
Because we have nothing in common but still seem to get along.
Because I really deserve to win this time.

I'd rather not be in that supporting actress role.
I want to be the lover AND the best friend.

Plan: Be patient.
Plan: Survive this weekend. Assess.
Plan: Try to get two hours of sleep.
Plan: Try to keep perspective.
Plan: Try to listen to logic, rather than my screaming heart.

(It's been not even a month. How quickly I let you into my heart.
Jury is still out, but I know every fiber of my being wants to believe you are worth it.)