Wednesday, April 29, 2009

From elsewhere: A list.

Someone [elsewhere] had mentioned that a friend who kept dating losers made a list of things she wants in a mate.

Here's my list.

1 - Honesty (You see, this covers a lot of bases. Lying, cheating, stealing. All those things are a lack of honesty. I need an honest man, preferably to a fault. I'd rather get pissed off and get over it than have some lie to me... ever.)

2 - Loyalty (Goes along with honesty. However, you can be honest and still be an asshole. I don't want someone who's going to break up with me instantly because they want to bang their coworker. I need a normal level of "Oh, no... I have a girlfriend and she's cool. I should try to get over this infatuation" kind of thinking.)

3 - Confidence

4 - Humility (#3 and 4 go together in my mind. I want a man who is confident, but not cocky. Just as I am not perfect, he will not be perfect either. If something about my behavior bothers him, I would want him to bring it to my attention. A certain level of criticism is expected because you want your other half to be the best they can be. So, I need him to be confident in his own skin, but also open to suggestions when problems arise.)

5 - Backbone (I need someone who can stand up for himself and for me, if the situation arises. I have a tendency to give in a lot and I want someone to counterbalance that.)

6 - Empathy (I need someone who can remove himself from a difficult situation and see it from the other person's shoes. I am very empathetic and can often see why people do some of the things they do.)

7 - Respect (No explanation is necessary here. Respect my thoughts and beliefs.)

8 - Adoration (Because if you don't adore the person, why are you even there?)

9 - BE AVAILABLE. (I'm not strictly talking marital/dating status. A lot of the men I've met are not available. They pretend to want a relationship, but they really don't. They might talk one minute of love and the next minute they're talking about how they want to sleep with more women before the settle down. Or they simply want a fuck buddy (or buddies). Or they're [still] getting over an ex. Or they don't know where they're going. Or they refuse to say the L-word first or actually fall in love. Or they fall in love with any vagina-wearing creature. Or they think men aren't supposed to have emotions. Etc.)

10 - Passion (I need a man who is as passionate about loving me as I am about loving him. I tend to be a very passionate person sometimes. I would rather have a shouting match and settle things, rather than let things get stagnant and slowly poison a relationship. Passion is a part of that. I don't want to "settle down." I want to constantly be doing new things together. I want a physical connection as well as an emotional and intellectual one. I want to be angry sometimes. I want to be blissful at others. When two people come together, it shouldn't be bland, you should be excited to be together... even if it's just to wash the dishes or cuddle in front of a TV screen.)

So, none of my wants/needs are dumb, outlandish or silly.
All are very reasonable.

One of the things I don't like people pointing out is my supposed naivete. 'Cause I'm not naive.
I started dating late because I was pickier before. That doesn't mean I didn't develop meaningful relationships with men. I know what I want and most did not have half the qualities I've listed here. Most were assholes. Pretentious ones. The ones that weren't? I was friends with them. They usually didn't see me in a romantic light because I was one of them.

Even though I wasn't dating, I was still observing and making decisions for future reference. My standards were too high then, I know this now. Like I said, I'm not naive. I know no one is perfect and I have loved some VERY imperfect people in my time. I loved them all very fully because when I love, I never half-ass it.

So, anyone think this list is too high? Too naive? Like I'm shooting for something unattainable?
'Cause I challenge you to a duel.

I do not build up expectations of perfection.
I hate perfection.
It's so ugly and boring.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I am secretly very disappointed that I could not talk to you.

Because you are here.
You seemed to be a good one.
A settled one. One who could love.

Rooted. Grounded. Practical.
Did I mention you're here.

Your smile could melt the largest glacier immediately... but it froze my mouth and mind.
I was thrilled when I could control my shaking. Heh.
Even more thrilled when I managed to smile back.

I'm probably your type, you know.
You seem to be the kind that stays in some weekends just to chill out.
Or you probably busy yourself with constructive hobbies and pastimes.

No partying. No hooking up with random girls. (At least I don't think.)

Wholesome. That's how someone else described you.
I thought so too.

I would have liked wholesome for a change.

Monday, April 27, 2009


I've been waiting to breathe, but won't allow myself too.
Contradictions. Stubborness. It's all so damaging.

(Or maybe protective. I can't quite figure it out.)

Either way, today's sucky horoscope might have been accurate. Oh well.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I've been trying this whole "one photo a day" thing.

Green Three
Originally uploaded by christina85
This is one of my results.

My P365 (short for Project 365, of course) can be seen here (link) if you're ever bored enough.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Vimeo video.

Auto Tuning:

On a less awesome/funny note:
My emotions, according to my horoscope, are supposed to be balanced and level today.
The horoscope lied.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I read some words that made me cry.

When I read things like that, I think of you. Automatically.
I can't stop it because I wanted to whisper in your ear... "It's your turn now. Show me you feel the same."

I was happy when you kissed me... when your hands found the small of my back.
No one else has ever felt so right.
Chills traveled up my back. I was completely yours. You were mine. I felt vulnerable and safe and excited and calm and like I belonged there. That moment was meant to be ours. I'll never forget.

I wanted to wrap myself around you. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to be protected. I never wanted that one moment to stop.

Now, I can be unreasonably mad at you and with a few words, I smile for you.

It will always be that way.
I will smile at you, always, even if it's through tears.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Really, it's true.

A quote:

"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead." - Marilyn Monroe

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he kisses you.

Quick, dirty and quick to jump to a more naked conclusion?
Or soft, increasingly passionate and building to the point of absolute abandon.

Absolute abandon is always the hottest option.
Who really wants mere nakedness, after all?

Monday, April 20, 2009

I want to feel passionate sometimes...

... but reality gets in the way.
Stupid facts. They need to jump off a high cliff.

I don't think an aggressive workout was what I really needed tonight.
I think I just need to sleep.

Monday, April 13, 2009

PS: An "I Wrote This for You."

(Found here.)

I'd like to find someone who thinks of me as they read that.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Currently browsing...

60 Places to Get Design Inspiration

Some of the links are dead ends, but I love business card design.
I have no idea why, ok? I just like the simplicity of such a small piece of work.
Identity projects were always fun.

Anyway, there's a link for that.
I'm geeking out a little.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

This goes for you.

I loved every part of you.
The pretty and the ugly.

And I always will.

It's painful and beautiful.
I cry and smile at the same time.

Emphasis on the smile.
Wiping away a tear.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Head Clutter. (from elsewhere)

Listen, I'm upset about particulars. I'm also tired as death of caring... But I also can't help but care. Such is the life of a 20something girl who's still learning about herself.

Of course, this learning process never ends, so I should get used to being tired.

I love. I hate. I'm passionate and apathetic. I'm not crazy, I'm lovely. Someone will eventually wake up next to me passionately in love. I'll look at them and breathe them in.

They'll kiss me on my collarbone, near my heart, and I'll skip a beat for them. A tiny death and a resurrection.

Don't mind me, I ramble on. I don't know what I'm talking about but I know it means everything.

They'll save me from myself and I will save them. We will live for ourselves and our love. We'll be everything and imperfect. Maybe we'll make babies and they'll grow into someone who shares our ideals or maybe they'll be completely different. They'll have tiny tragedies and big ones and love and hate and be imperfect too. They'll be beautiful though. Absolutely.

But I am the one that doesn't know anything. Silly girl, right? Just looking for frivolity and nonchalant relations. Who needs meaning when you can have easy? So many times I haven't been "worth the trouble."

Well, guess what, I am. I am.

All I could ever give you, all I can ever give, is all of me. My love, healing, acceptance and soul. That is enough. That is me. I am worth the trouble.

I am worth a risk. A fight. A potential heartache.

And I'm tired or hanging on to the edge of the cliff. I might let go. So go ahead and step on my fingers.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I made something pretties!

Mixed Media.
(charcoal, pastel, tissue paper, tissues, acrylic, book pages on the mating habits of Kodiak bears)