I can't sleep...

... so I'll share a random tidbit with you.

Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" is like a vitamin.
I hear it at least once a day and it gives me a daily dose of smiles.

Yesterday, though, it stalked me.
I heard the whole song twice and as I left supper, a car outside opened it's doors and it was playing.

I used to think when I heard that song I was supposed to remember and smile.
Now I know the radio just plays it too damn much.

But... I still love it.
And it still makes me remember and smile.

So much for signs from the universe.

It seems that...

... no one in this godforsaken town I live in knows about:

1) The definition of socialism (i.e. Obama's not a socialist, I know enough to know this)
If you really want to talk socialism though, you may take a look at the definition: "An economic system in which the basic means of production are primarily owned and controlled collectively, usually by government under some system of central planning." Hmmm, I don't know about you, but those bank bailouts are probably closer to socialism than any other government aid. (Oh, also, it's still not socialism. It won't be. Really, this argument is lame.)

Unless, of course, you want to give your money away to corporate America so they can pad their pockets more. That's fine... but then I don't want to hear you complain about the next thing you know nothing about.

Moving on...

2) History. "Handouts", aka: Welfare, has been around since the 1880s in some parts of the world. Anyone who thinks "handouts" are wrong -- I hope they lose their job and are denied aid. Then they can lose their house, a way to feed themselves and sleep on the cold streets. Also, I hope they contract the bubonic plague, because they'll have a hell of a time getting medical treatment. Enough said.

3) Respect. Calling one another dumb "townies" and "whores" makes you look stupid, ignorant and immature. Go back to Kindergarten and learn some manners and social skills. Otherwise you will die alone and miserable with no friends. When you act as immature as the person arguing with you... well, you look just as stupid as they do. Also, sending out racist text messages is not respectful. (I'm one of those dumb "townies," but even I know that racism is ridiculous. I'm not intimidated by someone's skin color, therefore I'm not racist.)

4) Humility. Be humble. You are not King or Queen Shit. In the words of Ben Folds, "There is ALWAYS someone cooler than you." Usually those people are the ones who you think are "below" you.

5) Being open. Change happens. Politically speaking, before today, it happened 8 years ago and another 8 years before that.

Also, I have a feeling that racism is at the root of some of the rants I'm reading (not all, but some -- for example, racist text messages which I mentioned above).

Ok, so... let's approach this. He's got darker skin. This is because of the different combination of pigments in his skin. Most people are darker skinned than me. I'm ok with that. It's just a matter of genetics and/or sun exposure. No one can do anything about their skin color.

You can do something about your intellect though.

What I'm trying to say is GROW UP and get over yourselves.
No one likes a little whining idiot.
No one likes an ignorant prick either.


More of this country likes this latest presidential pick than they liked the last one.
And everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. I mean, haven't all you had a chance to prove yourselves? Aren't you continuing to get the opportunity?

Yes. Everyday. We Americans are quite spoiled by the fact that we get the opportunity to prove ourselves each day. I only hope that with this latest change, more people get the opportunity to get a job (because currently, it's next to impossible (this is where "handouts" are a good thing, so that people don't starve or commit suicide)), get an affordable education, make a life and be happy.

This is the end of my angry rant.

Complexity.

Why does it feels so hard to verbalize three words.
Seemingly insignificant words.

And why am I finding it so difficult to type them tonight.

Reposting. And things.

My sister missed a phone call from Brandon last night. She was sad because he was sad. I was sad because I know the emptiness that those seemingly little things can cause.

Because in reality, they aren't little things.

Anyway, it made me start thinking and then I read back a few days on I Wrote This For You. I found this.

You know how in "Yes Man"...

Ok, so I haven't seen the movie... or read the book... but the premise is kind of interesting. Having to say "Yes" to any proposition that comes your way. Perhaps I should apply that idea** to my life and see where it leads me.

I've turned down a few opportunities because I am afraid I cannot do them. But really, so WHAT if I fail a little at something. SO WHAT if I'm not the best? If I don't try, I'll never, ever know... right?

Interesting thought.

Also, I want a vacation. I want to get away. I want to forget responsibilities for a little while. I need to be rejuvenated.

Do those two thoughts seem... counterproductive?

** Within reason. Nothing too stupid or illegal.

I haven't written here for a while.

I apologize.
I finished school. I think I already wrote about that.
And lately I've just been drifting through life.
Experiencing laughter and tears and lots of frustration but some happiness too.

I've been worrying and fretting a lot.
I need to cut back on that. A nice soft place to land would be a good start.

I'm frustrated because I trust people and sometimes I wonder if I should.
I'm frustrated because plans never work and I'm bored right now.
I'm frustrated because I hope what I worry about is not something to worry about.

And I'm tired.

But it's a new year and I'm hoping 2009 is a more inspiring and fantastic year than 2008 (which had it's good month or two).

Have I spoken too boldly or not enough?

I wonder, if I shout how I feel from a mountain top, would it reach you?
Would it travel along the valleys & ridges to whisper in your ear?

No, I'm not fooling myself.

I know I'm not fooling myself because sometimes the obvious truth hurts.
I just can't help wishing it was different.

Other than that little bit of self loathing I just did there, I'm super happy.
Work's still good.
Twizzlers rock.
Starbucks Vanilla Doubleshots are love.

Although I don't like having my phone calls seemingly ignored.
But that's a whole other issue.

I love 60 degree weather with rain.

It's so lovely. My mother and I went for a walk and it started raining and we got drenched.

My favorite thing ever is walking in the rain. I love love love it. The feeling of the drops against my skin. I just adore it. I don't care if that makes me crazy. It makes me happy.

My mother and I discussed men and how none of them that come into my life seem to make any sense.

I told her I need to buy that movie, "Someone Like You" because the part where Ashley Judd's character explains that if her theory on men is not correct, then men do not leave all women, they leave her.

Then she starts crying. And then I start crying too.

Anyway, I told her about that. Loudly. I ranted.

She pointed out that she doesn't understand any of these men who have popped into my life. She pointed out that I am always there for them and we always seem to have undeniable chemistry. Also, I'm always willing to go the distance (sometimes literally) for them.

And I don't regret any of that. It's my nature... but it would be nice to have that sort of thing returned. Someone who will bend backwards and go the distance for me. Someone who will understand and listen to me when I'm ranting and raving and pissed off.

Someone who is unafraid of the ugly side of life but also appreciates the beauty.


NEW TOPIC:
I want to buy felt so I can make a cute bag.
I miss her :-(
I want her to come home so we can be together all Christmas break because I love her.

Next Christmas, I do hereby swear to make 90% of my gifts.

I want to learn to make a quilt.
I will make cookies.
I will create some process to make fun prints and art pieces.

I will start creating things now so I don't run out of time.
Besides, I have all this fantastic free time on my hands now.
Maybe I'll have time to seriously consider creating an Etsy shop!

Ooooooh.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. (Mother Theresa)

I want something bigger than myself.
I also want Conor Oberst's latest CD.

Hello Christmas forces.

I decorated the tree with Allison today.
That was cool.

The Cowboys must be screwing up... everyone is cheering in my living room.
Yep... They're probably gonna lose this one to the Steelers.
This is probably why I don't watch football with the family. They're kind of annoying. (By kind of I mean REALLY. I cannot hear myself think and they are in an entirely different room.)

Anyway... Finals are tweaking me out. I hope to be done with all but one exam and my painting final by tomorrow night.

This means I have to take two finals tomorrow after I get off of work.
Squee?

It's almost done. That's the good news.

I'm itchy.
It's only 7:30.