Sunday, November 9, 2008

I don't know what to write about.

The only thing in my life that makes me feel ok right now is my job and the people I work with.

Right now, I feel drained.
I know I'm lucky. Sometimes I don't feel that way though.

I have to remind myself.
Because a lot of people do not have the support and love I have from a select few of my friends and my family.
My family really is fantastic, even though they do drive me up a wall sometimes.

Today, I just feel... lonely and frustrated with that loneliness.
And I am terribly bored. And terribly pessimistic with the thought of relationships.
I, honestly, am starting to feel that I'll never be married.
I don't even feel optimistic about finding someone who will be with me, in a secure commitment kind of way.

I don't need to be married... I just don't want to go through life without that kind of love. The possibility worries and depresses me.

It's frustrating because those who do not want to make any commitments seem to have so many options of who to be with that night.
And I go to bed alone.

2 comments:

My said...

You are so young to be worrying about marriage. It's not a race to find someone to marry, it's about finding THE one. You've got the rest of your life to do that, don't feel pressured; you have all of your friends and no matter how good you think a man will make you feel it's nothing compared to them. x

c.e.z. said...

I know, it's crazy... but I do no have a single girl friend.

NOT ONE!

Craziness. What am I supposed to do with my time. I'm stuck with the guys and no matter now nice they try to be, they're still guys. Most of them find a way to disappoint in some way.

Ah well, I think I'll end up taking myself to a pottery place this weekend to make my Meemaw a Christmas present or something. That might distract me for a little while. Hah. And... it's something a little creative.