I am secretly very disappointed that I could not talk to you.

Because you are here.
You seemed to be a good one.
A settled one. One who could love.

Rooted. Grounded. Practical.
Did I mention you're here.

Your smile could melt the largest glacier immediately... but it froze my mouth and mind.
I was thrilled when I could control my shaking. Heh.
Even more thrilled when I managed to smile back.

I'm probably your type, you know.
You seem to be the kind that stays in some weekends just to chill out.
Or you probably busy yourself with constructive hobbies and pastimes.

No partying. No hooking up with random girls. (At least I don't think.)

Wholesome. That's how someone else described you.
I thought so too.

I would have liked wholesome for a change.

Because it's all anyone ever asks of me... to be a friend.

I kind of don't believe this one.
Well, not tonight anyway.
"Love is magic, but magic is sometimes an illusion." (I forget who said that off the top of my head.)


(I'm waiting for someone to grow a pair.)

Are you there God, It's me... Christina.

Please, stop sending me boys.
I would like a man.
Or at least a dude.
Or the dude.

Something other than a boy.
Something other than a man-child.

Ok, thanks.



In other news... I had a good time tonight out with friends.
It was very nice. Once again, I am happy I didn't listen to everyone else when it came to J.
He's pretty cool now, after all. ;-)


Good night, dear reader (because I think I have all of one, haha).

With all these heartaches, I should buy something real.

I sigh at the universe.
I shake my fist at it.
Why do you suck so completely hardcore sometimes?

The only good thing to come out of potential heartbreak? A painting.
A fast and furious painting.
A passionate painting.

Where did it come from? Why'd I let this all start?
(I tried not to like you. You know this.)
Because I have no walls. Because I am a nice girl. I am amazing.
Because we have nothing in common but still seem to get along.
Because I really deserve to win this time.

I'd rather not be in that supporting actress role.
I want to be the lover AND the best friend.

Plan: Be patient.
Plan: Survive this weekend. Assess.
Plan: Try to get two hours of sleep.
Plan: Try to keep perspective.
Plan: Try to listen to logic, rather than my screaming heart.

(It's been not even a month. How quickly I let you into my heart.
Jury is still out, but I know every fiber of my being wants to believe you are worth it.)