Dear Limited Readers...

Ok, so I'm pretty sure I've mentioned Lush before. If I haven't, let me introduce you.

LUSH.

Soaps, shampoos, lotions and massage bars (etc.) made with natural (or safe synthetics) ingredients.

Anyway, I bought some awesome shampoo and soap when I was in DC (in Georgetown, if you're there and planning on shopping -- I also recommend Paper-Source).

When I got home, I got the itch for more Lush stuff, so in a moment of fiscal irresponsibility, I bought Mask of Magnaminty, Karma shampoo and got a free sample of Vanilla Delite lotion. (The shipping is a little outrageous, but face masques and lotions weigh a lot.)

When I opened the box, my Mask of Magnaminty was wet. I figured it was just a loose cap, so I dried the container off and sat it by the sink. I used it a few days later and I see a ring of wetness around the bottom. Again, I assume water got splashed up, so I dry it up.

A week later (approximately) I go to use it again and I see the same ring. When I open the product, it is noticeably drier (not TOO dry, I can still use it). Now I know it's leaking... so I contact Lush and tell them all this.

And what do they do?

...

They offer to send me another Mask of Magnamity!
Considering I have a big jar though (it's definitely usable once I transfer it to a better container) and the expiration date is approximately 3 months from now, I express interest in one of the samples they sent me.

So, they gave me the option. I can:
A) get another jar of Mask of Magnaminty, no charge.
B) get a refund of the purchase price put back on my credit card or
C) get a jar of Dark Angel (the sample I loved) + a refund of the difference in price to my credit card.

Well, hell. I chose C. That's awesome!

I loved Lush before... now I wish it was a man so I could marry it.

:)

I had a [nightmare].

You were here. Then you left.
You didn't even say goodbye.

I called.
Something about Amanda.

I cried. I said "You just left? Without saying goodbye?"
I cried.

I cried and you said "So, can't we just be friends?"
I gasped. I cried harder and I said "Fine, you want to know everything? I'm going to tell you everything."

Then I started to spill my soul all over my front yard. I yelled and cried into the phone.
I wanted you. To be with you. To hear your and touch you everyday.
I was just about to get to the soul-wrenching part.
I was going to tell you I love you.

I woke up.

Perhaps Freud would tell me I needed closure.
But my conscious mind wasn't quite ready for it.

Well, I'm going to do this myself.
It's obvious that the universe is [and has been] telling me what I need to do, now I just need to do it.

I wish I could turn this into a novel. Maybe I could become a best seller.
Perhaps since you're stealing my dream space, I could at least steal your dream.

I can count the people I find easy to love on one hand.

There are few people I can love in an unconditional manner, in a "no matter what they are or who they do" sort of way.

A sure sign that you're on that list?

1- A comment about my overabundance of mucus makes me smile. Haha.
Oh, Eric. I love and miss you. Haha.

2 - I turn Gilmore Girls on for you before you step in the door.
Allison, I lucked out when sisterhood was thrust upon me. :)

3 - When you have a bad day and I have a bad day, we walk around town aimlessly each immersed in our own complaints and listening to the others.
Megan. Oh dear, as special as you are... you rock.

Of course, I love my parents unconditionally too.
In fact, anyone that I love, I love unconditionally... but most don't make it easy.

I'm just sayin'.
I like that these people make it easy. ;)

From elsewhere: Regarding my disappointment in the CA courts.

You see... this really is about equality for all human beings.

Not too long ago, a white man couldn't marry a non-white woman (or vice-versa).
The judicial system had to step in and take a stand... they should have done the same today.

In my mind, there is no difference between civil rights based on race and civil rights based on sexual orientation.
To deny a person [consenting adult] the right to marry the one they love [another consenting adult] is unfair.

Legally speaking, there are no reasons for marriage to be defined as anything other than an agreement between two consenting adults.

Married couples have a "next-of-kin" status in the hospitals. They can file taxes jointly. They can receive Social Security payments when one spouse dies. They have bereavement time if their spouse dies. Same sex couples cannot have these same rights.

You can state a personal belief against it based on your faith, but [and this is something that makes America great and interesting] not everyone in this country shares your faith, that's why there's a separation of church affairs and state affairs.

Emotionally speaking, I am a believer in love.
And if you're lucky enough to be able to find a love, a companionship, that fulfills you and makes you stronger and happier... you should be able to live that love regardless of your sexuality.

If marrying makes a couple feel more complete and more secure... who would I be to deny that to them?



Now, some additional thoughts from comments left "elsewhere":

I'm glad it was mentioned that marriage is a religious ceremony. I have a great idea, why not make all marriages legally equivalent to civil unions? That way it's not a one stop shop for a variety of rights.

As is stands now, when two people are legally married (because it's become a legal institution, not strictly a religious one) they will automatically inherit anything a spouse leaves behind upon death (unless there is a will that specifically states what goes where). Civil unions do not supply that.

... If a spouse gets laid up in the hospital and cannot make medical decisions for themselves, their spouse gets that right automatically. Civil unions also do not afford that same right.

... Sharing health insurance is not guaranteed to a couple bound by civil union.

... Social security payments for deceased spouses go to the living spouse, as a way to help provide for the one left behind. That's not so with civil unions. Etc.

Justice is, by definition, just. Fair, balanced and blind. Allowing a committed gay couple the same rights as a committed straight couple does not step on anyone's legal toes. What, in the daily life of a straight couple, would change if a gay couples marries? Nothing. Nothing at all. There are no biological reasons that homosexuals should not marry (because people will argue that marriage is regulated for good reasons... because you cannot marry a cousin).

And I do believe that the gay community HAS been fighting for some time for equality. Their fight is finally gaining a bit of ground, but their fight is not new. It's not happening overnight. What is so heartbreaking is that they finally had a victory in California and it was taken away from them by the "will of the people." Not because it was dangerous or unfair or anything like that. It was taken away because people feel (in their personal and usually religious views) that homosexuality is wrong... because a majority of people feel weird that two people of the same gender kiss and have sex and live a slightly different lifestyle. (I mean, who does the "woman work" and who does the "man jobs" in a homosexual household, right?)

So I'm allowed to be disappointed in the courts. They didn't defend the people that can't shout as loudly, they didn't stand up for their rights.



Also, I liked Kzinti's (humorous, but brilliant) idea:

"Marriage ought to be very straight forward, cut and dried. Like driver's licenses. If you had to stand in line like at the DMV, there'd be less divorce and if you had to renew your license every so many years, that would remove all these divorce cases from court. Don't like the situation? Let the license lapse. Everything is split as agreed to when you signed the license, like a prenuptial agreement.

Everything is decided fairly up front, including who gets the kids, what child support will be, if any, etc. Sign on the dotted line please..."

From elsewhere: A list.

Someone [elsewhere] had mentioned that a friend who kept dating losers made a list of things she wants in a mate.

Here's my list.

1 - Honesty (You see, this covers a lot of bases. Lying, cheating, stealing. All those things are a lack of honesty. I need an honest man, preferably to a fault. I'd rather get pissed off and get over it than have some lie to me... ever.)

2 - Loyalty (Goes along with honesty. However, you can be honest and still be an asshole. I don't want someone who's going to break up with me instantly because they want to bang their coworker. I need a normal level of "Oh, no... I have a girlfriend and she's cool. I should try to get over this infatuation" kind of thinking.)

3 - Confidence

4 - Humility (#3 and 4 go together in my mind. I want a man who is confident, but not cocky. Just as I am not perfect, he will not be perfect either. If something about my behavior bothers him, I would want him to bring it to my attention. A certain level of criticism is expected because you want your other half to be the best they can be. So, I need him to be confident in his own skin, but also open to suggestions when problems arise.)

5 - Backbone (I need someone who can stand up for himself and for me, if the situation arises. I have a tendency to give in a lot and I want someone to counterbalance that.)

6 - Empathy (I need someone who can remove himself from a difficult situation and see it from the other person's shoes. I am very empathetic and can often see why people do some of the things they do.)

7 - Respect (No explanation is necessary here. Respect my thoughts and beliefs.)

8 - Adoration (Because if you don't adore the person, why are you even there?)

9 - BE AVAILABLE. (I'm not strictly talking marital/dating status. A lot of the men I've met are not available. They pretend to want a relationship, but they really don't. They might talk one minute of love and the next minute they're talking about how they want to sleep with more women before the settle down. Or they simply want a fuck buddy (or buddies). Or they're [still] getting over an ex. Or they don't know where they're going. Or they refuse to say the L-word first or actually fall in love. Or they fall in love with any vagina-wearing creature. Or they think men aren't supposed to have emotions. Etc.)

10 - Passion (I need a man who is as passionate about loving me as I am about loving him. I tend to be a very passionate person sometimes. I would rather have a shouting match and settle things, rather than let things get stagnant and slowly poison a relationship. Passion is a part of that. I don't want to "settle down." I want to constantly be doing new things together. I want a physical connection as well as an emotional and intellectual one. I want to be angry sometimes. I want to be blissful at others. When two people come together, it shouldn't be bland, you should be excited to be together... even if it's just to wash the dishes or cuddle in front of a TV screen.)

So, none of my wants/needs are dumb, outlandish or silly.
All are very reasonable.

One of the things I don't like people pointing out is my supposed naivete. 'Cause I'm not naive.
I started dating late because I was pickier before. That doesn't mean I didn't develop meaningful relationships with men. I know what I want and most did not have half the qualities I've listed here. Most were assholes. Pretentious ones. The ones that weren't? I was friends with them. They usually didn't see me in a romantic light because I was one of them.

Even though I wasn't dating, I was still observing and making decisions for future reference. My standards were too high then, I know this now. Like I said, I'm not naive. I know no one is perfect and I have loved some VERY imperfect people in my time. I loved them all very fully because when I love, I never half-ass it.

So, anyone think this list is too high? Too naive? Like I'm shooting for something unattainable?
'Cause I challenge you to a duel.

I do not build up expectations of perfection.
I hate perfection.
It's so ugly and boring.

I read some words that made me cry.

When I read things like that, I think of you. Automatically.
I can't stop it because I wanted to whisper in your ear... "It's your turn now. Show me you feel the same."

I was happy when you kissed me... when your hands found the small of my back.
No one else has ever felt so right.
Chills traveled up my back. I was completely yours. You were mine. I felt vulnerable and safe and excited and calm and like I belonged there. That moment was meant to be ours. I'll never forget.

I wanted to wrap myself around you. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to be protected. I never wanted that one moment to stop.

Now, I can be unreasonably mad at you and with a few words, I smile for you.

It will always be that way.
I will smile at you, always, even if it's through tears.

PS: An "I Wrote This for You."

(Found here.)

I'd like to find someone who thinks of me as they read that.

This goes for you.

I loved every part of you.
The pretty and the ugly.

And I always will.

It's painful and beautiful.
I cry and smile at the same time.

Emphasis on the smile.
Wiping away a tear.

Head Clutter. (from elsewhere)

Listen, I'm upset about particulars. I'm also tired as death of caring... But I also can't help but care. Such is the life of a 20something girl who's still learning about herself.

Of course, this learning process never ends, so I should get used to being tired.

I love. I hate. I'm passionate and apathetic. I'm not crazy, I'm lovely. Someone will eventually wake up next to me passionately in love. I'll look at them and breathe them in.

They'll kiss me on my collarbone, near my heart, and I'll skip a beat for them. A tiny death and a resurrection.

Don't mind me, I ramble on. I don't know what I'm talking about but I know it means everything.

They'll save me from myself and I will save them. We will live for ourselves and our love. We'll be everything and imperfect. Maybe we'll make babies and they'll grow into someone who shares our ideals or maybe they'll be completely different. They'll have tiny tragedies and big ones and love and hate and be imperfect too. They'll be beautiful though. Absolutely.

But I am the one that doesn't know anything. Silly girl, right? Just looking for frivolity and nonchalant relations. Who needs meaning when you can have easy? So many times I haven't been "worth the trouble."

Well, guess what, I am. I am.

All I could ever give you, all I can ever give, is all of me. My love, healing, acceptance and soul. That is enough. That is me. I am worth the trouble.

I am worth a risk. A fight. A potential heartache.

And I'm tired or hanging on to the edge of the cliff. I might let go. So go ahead and step on my fingers.

Goodnight.

I don't think you understand.

You obviously don't want me as much as I want you.
So stop pretending, please.

Sobered Alcohol

It's funny how my mind is quickly sobered by the addition of alcohol.
Everything seems so obvious now... without logic clouding my vision.

Accidental confessions that were already known.
Colors that tried to flow out of my fingertips.

Artistic muses turned into an artistic muse.

I smile as the music just... matches up with my heartbeat.

("Accidental Babies" by Damien Rice)

Well, I held you like a lover, happy hands -- your elbow in the appropriate place. And we ignored our others, happy plans -- that delicate look upon your face. Our bodies moved and hardened hurting parts of your garden with no room for a pardon in a place where no one knows what we have done.

(This is disjointed because I have become a lightweight, officially.
The equivalent of two shots of SoCo should not make you introspectively tipsy. It did do its job in making me sleepy though.)

Words that want to die with me.

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." (David Grayson)

I've learned. I say so now.
But pride and vulnerability will not allow me to say it to you.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I cry because the words will not come out.
Other times, I'm relieved they don't.
Most of the time, I'm upset.

I should have just said it.
It likely would have changed nothing.
But at least you would have known.

Maybe you already do.

{I hope you do. It's ok if you didn't love me back.}

I can't sleep...

... so I'll share a random tidbit with you.

Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" is like a vitamin.
I hear it at least once a day and it gives me a daily dose of smiles.

Yesterday, though, it stalked me.
I heard the whole song twice and as I left supper, a car outside opened it's doors and it was playing.

I used to think when I heard that song I was supposed to remember and smile.
Now I know the radio just plays it too damn much.

But... I still love it.
And it still makes me remember and smile.

So much for signs from the universe.

Complexity.

Why does it feels so hard to verbalize three words.
Seemingly insignificant words.

And why am I finding it so difficult to type them tonight.

I haven't written here for a while.

I apologize.
I finished school. I think I already wrote about that.
And lately I've just been drifting through life.
Experiencing laughter and tears and lots of frustration but some happiness too.

I've been worrying and fretting a lot.
I need to cut back on that. A nice soft place to land would be a good start.

I'm frustrated because I trust people and sometimes I wonder if I should.
I'm frustrated because plans never work and I'm bored right now.
I'm frustrated because I hope what I worry about is not something to worry about.

And I'm tired.

But it's a new year and I'm hoping 2009 is a more inspiring and fantastic year than 2008 (which had it's good month or two).

Have I spoken too boldly or not enough?

I wonder, if I shout how I feel from a mountain top, would it reach you?
Would it travel along the valleys & ridges to whisper in your ear?

I love 60 degree weather with rain.

It's so lovely. My mother and I went for a walk and it started raining and we got drenched.

My favorite thing ever is walking in the rain. I love love love it. The feeling of the drops against my skin. I just adore it. I don't care if that makes me crazy. It makes me happy.

My mother and I discussed men and how none of them that come into my life seem to make any sense.

I told her I need to buy that movie, "Someone Like You" because the part where Ashley Judd's character explains that if her theory on men is not correct, then men do not leave all women, they leave her.

Then she starts crying. And then I start crying too.

Anyway, I told her about that. Loudly. I ranted.

She pointed out that she doesn't understand any of these men who have popped into my life. She pointed out that I am always there for them and we always seem to have undeniable chemistry. Also, I'm always willing to go the distance (sometimes literally) for them.

And I don't regret any of that. It's my nature... but it would be nice to have that sort of thing returned. Someone who will bend backwards and go the distance for me. Someone who will understand and listen to me when I'm ranting and raving and pissed off.

Someone who is unafraid of the ugly side of life but also appreciates the beauty.


NEW TOPIC:
I want to buy felt so I can make a cute bag.
I miss her :-(
I want her to come home so we can be together all Christmas break because I love her.

Next Christmas, I do hereby swear to make 90% of my gifts.

I want to learn to make a quilt.
I will make cookies.
I will create some process to make fun prints and art pieces.

I will start creating things now so I don't run out of time.
Besides, I have all this fantastic free time on my hands now.
Maybe I'll have time to seriously consider creating an Etsy shop!

Ooooooh.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. (Mother Theresa)

I want something bigger than myself.
I also want Conor Oberst's latest CD.

Hello Christmas forces.

I decorated the tree with Allison today.
That was cool.

The Cowboys must be screwing up... everyone is cheering in my living room.
Yep... They're probably gonna lose this one to the Steelers.
This is probably why I don't watch football with the family. They're kind of annoying. (By kind of I mean REALLY. I cannot hear myself think and they are in an entirely different room.)

Anyway... Finals are tweaking me out. I hope to be done with all but one exam and my painting final by tomorrow night.

This means I have to take two finals tomorrow after I get off of work.
Squee?

It's almost done. That's the good news.

I'm itchy.
It's only 7:30.